Give me diverse superheroes, she begged; give me gay superheroes, she pleaded. AND THE OLD GUARD DELIVERED ‘EM IN SPADES. AW, YUUUUUUUUUS. Firstly, what a cast: Charlize Theron, KiKi Layne, Matthias Schoenaerts, Marwan Kenzari, Luca Marinelli, Harry Melling, Van Veronica Ngo and Chiwetel Ejiofor. So you already know it’s going to be amazing. AND IT IS.

I didn’t have much context for The Old Guard before starting it. I only found out it was based on a graphic novel when the credits rolled. So that’s really cool. I’m definitely curious about the novel now. But the film is top notch.

The Old Guard is about four ‘immortals’ who, largely, can’t be killed. But there’s a limit to it. At some point, their time is up. But the years have left them jaded and lonely. Their families have long passed and they can’t get close to anyone outside of their group because it always ends in bitterness and tears and blame. Amongst the group are Andromache of Scythia, nicknamed Andy, centuries old and hardened with cynicism; Sebastian Le Livre, known as Booker, who once served under Napoleon; Yusuf Al-Kaysani, known as Joe, who served in the Crusades; and Niccolò di Genova, known as Nicky, an Italian Crusader from the same time. Joe and Nicky were enemies during the Crusades but are now partners and their romance is the absolute best. Let me just share this with ye:

He’s not my boyfriend. This man is more to me than you can dream. He’s the moon when I’m lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold and his kiss still thrills me, even after a millennia. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s all and he’s more.

(Watch the scene here.)

Give me a movie of just Joe and Nicky, please and thank you! Joe and Nicky talking about how they met in the Crusades was great and we need more of them. Perfect, fabulous super boyfriends. A+ ADDITION TO THE GENRE, LADS.

After Andy, Booker, Joe and Nicky are set up, they take up a revenge mission against Copley, the man who betrayed them. Halfway there, however, they share a dream about Nile, a Marine who’s just like them. Not wanting to abandon one of their own, Andy goes for Nile while the other three head on to find Copley and his benefactor.

So much about this movie hit me harder than I expected. It isn’t a happy superhero film by any means. The focus is heavy on the price of immortality and all the downsides. Booker’s backstory was especially sad and I really felt for him. I’m also interested in more on the relationship between Andy and Quynh, so I’m desperate for a second film where that’s explored. Quynh is an immortal from before the events of the movie, so you only get snippets of where she went and why, and I want more! That whole storyline messed me up. Honestly, every character was fascinating and there isn’t a moment of the film where you’re not desperate to find out more.

For anyone else who’s been waiting years for an inclusive superhero film, get on this one asap!